Healing from identity loss after emotional abuse

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“Who am I?”

“What is the purpose of my life?”

When you have suffered from emotional abuse for a significant amount of time your sense of self gets eroded and lost. It’s common to feel like there is a void where this sense should be which creates unhappiness and anxiety on top of all the other feelings of betrayal, sadness and loss that such abuse brings.

Whether it was gas lighting or attacks on your self esteem, narcissistic abuse or manipulation the aftermath of emotional abuse can be overwhelming. The good news is that you are not broken, you’ve had a huge and unpleasant shock to the system. It feels awful because it is awful, not because there is something wrong with you. It will get better and you will regain your sense of self again. Here are some ways to make that happen sooner.

Cut the abusive person out of your life, at least for now.

Your connection with someone who has been emotionally abusive to you could fit one of many scenarios. It could be a romantic relationship, a relative, your boss, a friend or even your own child. This could be someone you have no problem ejecting from your life and never giving another thought to or it may be someone who for various reasons you are stuck with to some extent.

It could be that you feel like the person hasn’t done anything bad enough to merit cutting them off. In this case the damage could be seen as the consequence of not being aware of the person’s behaviour rather than the extent of what they actually did. In the latter scenario it’s common to feel like managing the person’s behaviour is a better option than cutting them off entirely.

Limiting or ending contact with the person long-term may or may not be something you want to do. However, in order to regain your own stability and sense of personal identity, you need to avoid them while you work on yourself.

Abusive behaviour is used to create an imbalance in a relationship. The abuser gets power and control and the person who is victimized loses autonomy and confidence.

In order to recover and regain what you have lost it is essential that the abusive person is out of the picture. This means…