And how to step away from this powerful manipulative tactic.

Have you ever ignored your own wishes and feelings to accommodate someone else’s?

Is there someone in your life that you are sometimes apprehensive about having contact with even if you care about them?

Do you ask yourself what this person will think of a choice you make before you have even decided on a course of action?

Do you feel responsible for managing the emotions of another person at the cost of your own? …

Power trips and guilt trips mixed together create confusion. A clear understanding of this abusive technique can help protect you from narcissistic behavior and abuse.

Narcissistic people have a whole host of abusive techniques in their arsenal. Some techniques like gaslighting cause extreme confusion and distress in the narcissist’s target.

One of the most frustrating things about dealing with someone who has narcissistic traits is their ability to present themselves as all powerful and yet highly victimized at the same time.

Narcissists can flip between these two extremely disparate identities with incredible ease. …

This kind of abuse damages you the most when you don’t recognize it’s happening.

“You’re too sensitive.”

“That never happened.”

“If it did happen, it was your fault.”

“I only acted like that because of your behavior.”

“Wow, you’re paranoid.”

“You’re so strange.”

“You’re crazy.”

If someone wants to sabotage or control you then the technique of gaslighting will serve their purposes very well. Gaslighting will not only confuse and misdirect you, it will ultimately get you to act against your own interests. There is no need for a gaslighter to continue sabotaging you if you can be made to self-sabotage.

If you care about the person who is gaslighting you, there is no…

In uncertain times toxic ideologies offer simple answers… and incalculable harm.

“The man whose male followers publicly weep over their spiritual failings ended up driving his own partner to depression, bulimia and the brink of suicide.

Mrs. McCartney endured at first because women of her generation were taught to be subservient.” ~ AP News

Want a happy relationship, peaceful home and a good sense of self worth? You might want to do the opposite of everything Bill McCartney’s Promise Keepers suggest.

If I was dead set on preventing homosexuality, my first idea wouldn’t be to pack thousands of men into a stadium together to sing unifying songs. …

“Among the ancient Sabaeans the one class adored spirits who inhabited the stars, the other class adored the stars themselves. Wherever idols or images are used the same phenomenon occurs.”

Isn’t your favorite celebrity amazing? From their fabulous features to their much touted talent and dazzling interview dialogue. They turn you into a bubbling well of admiration or attraction, possibly both. You’re a fan. You’re up to date with everything your idol has done and everything they’re going to do. Their opinions fascinate you. You even changed your desktop wallpaper and screensaver to feature this first class human being.

But, have you ever stopped to wonder why you actually feel admiration for the celebrity you like? What is your brain trying to tell you? …

Be warned, some of these contain strong language.

Things are very serious in the world right now. While I don’t want to play that down at all, a little bit of laughter can go a long way when we all need to keep our spirits up. These are my top ten favorite jokes, I hope they get a giggle out of you. Be warned, strong language ahead.

Teacher: Give me an example of a sentence with the word contagious in it. …

As children we instinctively pursue what interests and fascinates us. At a young age pursuing knowledge, skills and goals is central to each day. Although we don’t use the word motivation to describe the passionate pursuit of our interests, we are all the most motivated we will ever be.

We read whole books in one go, often under the covers by torch light. Maintaining friendships and organizing projects is second nature. The urge to be doing, building and progressing is second nature. …

Need help from someone? Look in the mirror.

There are many things in life that create the illusion of helplessness in all of us:

The companies that sell us products.

The pervasive idea that we all need to escape from our lives.

The constant stream of bills, letters, emails and calls that sometimes make it hard to breathe at night.

The pervasive, surround sound rhetoric that says we should all be more, do more, have more and back all that up with elusively perfect relationships.

All of these messages and pressures combined take away from one of the most powerful truths in life. …

Taking a stand against domineering behaviour.

A bully can dominate an entire family and they can do a lot of damage while they’re at it.

Maybe you have a bully in your family. Maybe you dread seeing this person.

Maybe they make you angry or miserable and their cutting remarks sting long after you’re out of their presence.

There’s good news and bad news.

The bad news is that when it comes to a bully, who they are is not going to change. Them thinking they are right is not going to change. What they think is acceptable is not going to change.

The good news…

Alerts don’t make you more productive, they just help procrastinators distract you.

That copy writing client has sent a message — ping!

That book editing client asked a question— ding!

You’ve made a sale — pop!

The washing machine finishes a cycle — bing bing!

Is that someone at the door? — ring ring!

Thankfully I don’t get new e-mail alerts because I shut that crap down years ago, see also my phone. Some things like the doorbell might be unavoidable…unless I rip the effing thing out of the wall, which is tempting sometimes.

Every appliance, app, website, and marketplace wants to alert you to something. Sure, it sounds useful. I can…

Stef Hill

Writer in business, mental health and feminism. Darling of digital. Self-raising Lazarus.

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