10 Jokes to Brighten Up Your Lockdown
Be warned, some of these contain strong language.
Things are very serious in the world right now. While I don’t want to play that down at all, a little bit of laughter can go a long way when we all need to keep our spirits up. These are my top ten favorite jokes, I hope they get a giggle out of you. Be warned, strong language ahead.
Teacher: Give me an example of a sentence with the word contagious in it. Pupil: Our neighbor is painting his fence with a two inch brush and my dad says it will take the contagious.
Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. Now, that can’t be a coincidence.
My English teacher told me my grammar was awful. I said, yeah? Well your grandad’s a bastard.
I went to my doctor and said “doctor, please help me. I keep farting. They’re silent and odor free, which is a great relief, but I’m so embarrassed and on edge all the time, please can you help me?”
The Doctor said, “I’m going to recommend a hearing test and a referral to help with your sense of smell.”
You can’t run on a campsite. You can only ran, because it’s past tents.
My grandfather has the heart of a lion..and a life-time ban from the zoo.
Did you hear about the bank that’s rated worst bank in the world? They’re called Norfolk & Gould.
Jesus goes into a fancy restaurant and asks for a table for 26.
“But, there are only 13 people in your party,” the waiter said.
“Yes, but we’re all gonna sit round the same side.”
What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
Aye matey.
What’s the difference between a tea bag and the England team?
The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
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